The shift began with two lines, each verified three times. I was to become a father, a true test of manhood and mettle. Then, the rumbling lava in the depths of my soul began to churn… Could I live up to the title and become this little beings protector, provider, mentor?…

We’d been trying for only a few weeks, I remember saying to his mother upon looking at the floppy stick, of which I’d spent years providing for women in hospitals… (in a weird denialist sort of tone) “No see, that’s not two lines, that’s just the stick telling you where the second line would be…“ My palms sweating as I reached for the box to unsheathe another, then another… He’s on his way (I knew my first born was going to be a boy, since childhood)… Time to prepare. I packed up my PS3, no more time for games, I thought to myself. I began renovating and insulating, painting and cleaning, anything productive that made me feel like I was learning the necessary skills to deserve the right for him to call me his Father…

Then began the real work of navigating and exploring my inner temple, this tiny shining golden sesame seed of a baby had revealed levels, doors and corridors inside my soul, that I never knew existed. Like the tide slowly rolling into a sand banked bay. Love, emotions and feelings began to fill the temple, as I stood there feet drenched pants beginning to soak in the waves. A flash of panic ran through my spine, as I realized the need for ‘scuppers’, I’m going to need somewhere for all this to flow….

-Joe Williams